Ben asks: “With every job, there are parts that you don’t like… What don’t you like about writing?”
About a year and a half ago, I decided to stop working part-time to devote my non-SAHM time to writing. I’ve always written–both fiction and non-fiction. So far, I’ve been more successful at non-fiction (in that I’ve actually been paid). My goal was to write a second novel, some short fiction, and to focus on the terrifyingly difficult work of marketing my writing.
I spent several days looking in the mirror, saying, “I’m a writer,” while trying not to bust up with laughter. Even now, I notice I still have a little smirk when I say the words, although it may just be because I’m feeling self-conscious about talking to the mirror again (If only it talked back. Where does one get one of those Snow White mirrors?).
So, to get around to actually answering Ben’s question, here’s what I don’t like about writing speculative fiction: The Interrogation.
“So, Anne Fitten, what do you do?”
“Ummm, I’m a writer.” Suppressing the smirk.
“Really? What do you write?”
“Fiction. Mostly.”
Interrogator looks surprised, then amused. “Ohhhhh…have you had anything published?”
“Well, I have a novel out. Published by a POD internet company. You can get it on-line,” Now I’m stammering. “It’s sold about 400 copies. I broke even on it. Well, not including my time, but…And I haven’t really done any marketing, but…”
Now the Interrogator is smirking. “Well, what’s it about?”
Every writer I know hates this question. I’ve developed a pat answer that reveals absolutely nothing: “It’s a thriller with a supernatural twist.”
“Oh, like horror?”
“Well, it has elements of horror and of science fiction. It’s not great literature or anything. It’s a page turner.”
Interrogator scans me for Star Trek paraphernalia. I consider giving her the Trekkie hand signal.
“You don’t look like a horror writer.”
I wonder what I’m supposed to look like. A psycho axe murderer? Most horror and sci fi writers are nerds. Maybe I don’t look like a nerd. That’s good, right?
Interrogator is looking pitifully at me. I surrepitiously check to make sure I haven’t spontaneously sprouted a tail.
Long pause.
“So what does your husband do?”
I thought the horns added an element of horror but then I’ve seen you with fairy wings on; definitely not the persona of a horror or thriller writer. I think of you as a writer, for what that’s worth.
Kick Interrogator in the crotch and run away with your hands flailing, laughing madly and screaming “DEVONSHIRE!”.
No one who sees this will ever ask you what you do again.
Most psycho axe murderers don’t look like psycho axe murderers.
Great post.
BTW… do you know the trekkie hand signal?
I suggest a non-Trekkie hand signal . . .
Wow. Makes me want to finish my novel and publish. Or maybe I’ll learn to make leather shoes from my excess skin. That sounds like more fun.
Horror and SF writers are NOT nerds! They are awesome people who do the name of “writer” proud and make a lot of people really happy and save some people from killing themselves by providing an escape from depressing real life.
Too many questions!! GAH! You handled it beautifully
Thanks, Vicki, Lia and Karen, for the support.
OMG, The Zero Boss left a comment on my blog! The Hound of the Baskervilles, Jay?
Actually, I don’t know the Trekkie hand signal, Ben. But I’m sure E-spouse does–he went to MIT.
Chad, you haven’t mentioned your excess skin before. Gross, but brilliant image. And you, of all people, should write a novel.
“What does your husband do?”…
Repeat after me: “He loves me and believes in my writing career.”
- Envirospouse
EM! Your comment just popped in my inbox while I was reading your site! Are we of one mind, one consciousness, one thought process? I think maybe.
Great post. I hate when people interrogate me about my book – mostly because I don’t want them to steal my brilliant plot.
AWWWWW EM! Your Enviro-spouse is so sweet. Very touching.
I hate it when people say “You don’t look like a minister to me!” – usually their surprise is due to my gender or the fact that I like updated clothes and make-up
And, EM, I think you do look like a writer, and you are a very good one, and there are a lot of clueless people in the world.
I’m a romance writer. You can probably imagine the strange questions I’ve gotten from people.
As far as we know, Agatha Christie didn’t murder anyone even though she wrote a lot about the topic.
Writers have imaginations and use them. Evidently, non-writers don’t.
Horror writers have goofy eyes. Look at Stephen King. It helps if you have one that constantly looks off to the side and huge glasses to draw attention to them.
An “interesting” scar is always a plus and horror/thriller/pshychological authors are notoriously bad dressers with no sense of fashion. If you get closer you may catch the faint whiff of Mountain Dew and Cheeze Poofs. Even closer and you can see the orange residue from the poofs in the crevices of their teeth when they smile big.
What? You’ve never seen the stereotypical horror writer smile? Mention a hot looking Klingon or a Romulan in a regulation leotard. You’ll see them pearly oranges glaring back at you like highway cones.
I’d take it as an EXTREME compliment that you don’t look like a horror writer. It means you are a sharp dresser, have good social skills and are on top of your personal hygene. You are probably also athletic and have a reasonably healthy diet.