Sorry for the lack of enlightment and entertainment this week. Can I just say again that those of you who are single parents are saints? All single parents deserve a special place in the afterlife or a karmic upgrade or to be reincarnated as royalty. E-spouse has been out of town since Monday, and I am exhausted, sick, impatient, irritable, and, yes, booorrrring.
I have not written a word of fiction this week, despite my plans to the contrary (having a plan does not always mean I FOLLOW it). I am thinking, however, about preparing for my on-line short fiction course that starts Tuesday. I’ve offered up a short story for the group’s delectation the VERY FIRST WEEK. And it’s a rather racy one as well. Not erotica per se, but somewhat erotic. Responses will be intriguing.
Finally, I need a little help. My four-year-old, who prefers to be called Batman, has been asking some difficult questions lately. Questions that I cannot answer without the help of a medical textbook. Questions like:
He: “Mommy, how do we talk?” Me: “Too loudly.”
He: “Mommy, why can’t the cats talk?” Me: “They can, but they can’t use words because they don’t have vocal cords (I have no clue if this is true).”
He: “Mommy, how do my ears work?” Me: “Not well, baby.”
He: “Mommy, why are you pulling out your hairs?” Me: “Because they sometimes grow in the wrong places or they’re the wrong color or, hell, because I might as well do something while I’m sitting and watching you take a bath.”
BATMAN!!!
Awesome! (start worrying if he continues this into his teens or starts having a strange fascination with all things Shatner)
You sound fun!….wil you be my new mommy?…
Holy Stupid Questions, Batman!
yes, but but but
I’m moving
I remember well. It’s no longer those questions. Now it’s a 6th grader coming home from church youth group yelling, “Mom! I got a blind date with a 8th grader! She has a boyfriend, but her friend thinks she’ll cheat on him for me.” That was fun…
*yawn*
wake me up when your blognap’s over, EM.
Wait a minute! A golden moment for education has just passed.
“Mommy, how do my ears work?”
“Well, baby, there is a cowboy and a blacksmith in there, and they direct the sounds to your whatchamacallit.”
Oh just you wait…it gets worse!
My Twins think “shut-up and stupid” are bad words, well one of them came home the other day and asked:
“What does PU**Y mean?” I was shocked and at a tempory loss for words so I replied “go look it up in the dictionary”
he looked it up and was relieved that it meant pussy cat!
Well I turned the tables and began my questioning. Seems a little boy on the bus wanted him to call another little girl that word and told my son that it meant “chicken”.
To make a very long story short…I had Daddy sit down and explain this one.
My four-year old can come up with some doosy questions like that also. It is fun to answer her with off the wall replies to see if she can catch me being silly.
On a serious note, I have found that there are books to be found at libraries or thrift stores that can impart the strange knowledge of the world to these little brains. Titles such as “the big book of tell me why” etc. We homeschool so I need titles such as this in our home library. It just gets tiring tyring to think of how to explain everything to them all the time. One question I received the other day was “How do whales swim?” and “how do they breathe through their blowhole?” I definitely had to consult our library to answer those.
On a side note and totally off topic: I tried to email you around two weeks ago or so to let you know (if you already did not) that your RSS feed is still referencing your old site and not your new one but the email bounced saying your server was down or something like that. Anyway, I enjoy your blog. I found it while searching for all stuff Asheville as my husband and I might be considering moving to Asheville from Boone, NC. Good luck with the never-ending questions.
But cats CAN talk!
Rio and Tamwill, hilarious stories!
Ash, stop fricking yawning on my blog. Take a nap on your own time.
Thanks, asterismos. I’ve e-mailed my computer god (Eddo) about the RSS problemo. Come on and move to Ashvegas. I know you want to. E-mail me if you’re going to be in town, and we’ll have coffee or something.
HA-HA Ash got in trouble with teacher!!!
Will do. My parents just moved to Alexander (just north of asheville- you probably know this already) so whether or not we move we will be down to visit from time to time. Thanks for the offer and looking forward to it.
Too cute.
Ahhh see, my Jared at four (he’s been five now for all of a month) prefers to be called either Thomas the Tank Engine or Sly Cooper (from a PS2 game). Since batman is taken, I’m relieved that’s not on his list.
Single parenting is hard. I look forward to the weekends when Alex is around for the help. It’s such a HUGE difference. But at least I have a fiance who treats my children as his own and hence, I get a break on the weekends…that’s more than most single moms get. So I’m lucky as hell.