1. Sometimes, we want a back rub to be just a back rub.
2. Vacuuming the house will get you laid faster than flowers.
3. Macho posturing is okay during the courting stage, but ultimately, it gets tiresome.
4. When we’re emotional and irrational, don’t tell us not to be emotional and irrational. Unless you like broken glass.
5. “Have some chocolate, sweetheart,” works in most emotional situations.
6. We are always going to be unhappy about some aspect of our bodies, but you NEVER should be.
9. In fact, telling us: “Your ass is so cute when it jiggles” is not cute. Start vacuuming.
7. “You are beautiful,” should be a daily saying.
8. Money spent on hair color, hair removal, make-up or beauty products should NEVER be questioned.
10. We can translate “man” better than you think we can. For example, we know “You didn’t tell me your sister/college roommate/new friend was so pretty” translates as “Is she available?”
AMEN!
Too funny! Men being domestic= H-O-T. No doubt.
Things women should know about men…
1) When I ask you if “everything is okay”…and you say
yes…I truely believe that “everything is okay”…why shouldn’t I.
2) Football = Shopping+the Oscars for us…
3) Pleasing you sexually would be a WHOLE lot easier, if
you’d just tell us what you like…we’re happy to do it.
4) “Honey I’m watching the game” translates to “Honey I’m watching the game…” not “you’re not pretty or interesting”
5) Being asked “…does this make my butt look big…” is the second most terrifying question in the WORLD, behind “…are you in yet…”…ultimatly you’re going to be unsatisfied with the answer…
6) Sex is alll we think about…we go to work to make money so you’ll sleep with us…and that’s just the tip of the iceberg…denying us sex is equal to taking you to Tiffany’s encouraging you to try some jewlery on…and then not buying you anything.
7) We’ll never understand why you need so many shoes…ever…and we don’t care, as long as you sleep with us.
9) We work hard…you work hard…it’s nice to just sit on the couch and watch TV. Don’t take it personally, it just means we’re tired.
10) If you want to tell us how you “feel” that’s fine…it’d just be nice if we didn’t need a code breaker to understand, exactly what it is you’re feeling…and why it can’t wait until a commercial.
11) Physically speaking it’s easier to push something down, than it is to pick something up…so maybe you should think about that the next time you complain about the toliet seat.
12) After an argument when you tell us that you’re “okay” or that you “forgive us”, it’s really unfair to bring it up in the next fight…we’ve moved on…
13) Cats are pet…dogs are a partner, we know you love you’re cat, but it’s no dog.
14) If you have sex with us we’ll leave you alone…it’s really not that complicated.
15) The bigger the TV the happier we are…
Righteous! Quincy YOU NAILED IT!
Quincy
I’d be the first one to concede #11, if you were the one cleaning the John every week.
And EM, I’ve said it before – a man vacuuming is SOOO sexy.
EM and Q – a few more Things Women Should Know About Men:
1. We’re not mind-readers. We’re not good at discerning the meaning of a hair flip or a pout or that special skirt. So whatever it is, just tell us. Know this one thing about us, and your frustrations with us will disappear.
2. We learned a long time ago that it’s OK to ask, even beg, for sex. Sometimes, it would be really nice if you asked, or even begged, for sex.
3. We’re ready for sex any time. Literally. There’s never, ever a bad time.
4. If we say we can fix it, we really think we can fix it. Let us try. When we fail, just smile and resist making a smart-ass comment while we’re on the phone to the real repairman.
5. If we say we’ll go shopping, we’re really saying is, “We’ll go shopping if you make us, but please, don’t make us.”
6. Yes, when we first meet, we’re judging you by the size of your breasts. After that, you’ve got to prove us wrong.
7. We’ll remember the exact date and time of that national championship game from 10 years ago, as well as every single play and ref’s calls. However, we will not remember what you told us to bring home from the store this morning, or when our anniversary is. So just deal with it.
8. Real cooking can only be done over charcoal and open flames. Stand in awe of our grill technique and we’ll let you have all the shoes and handbags you want.
9. Ok, ok, we admit it – we’ll do just about anything for a blow job.
10. The toilet seat thing – get over it.
** sits back with some popcorn and beer to watch the brewing brawl **
Leave it to Q & A to bring the dialogue down a notch.
You’re supposed to say, thanks for the insider info, EM. We worship your brilliance.
But boys will be boys, won’t they?
No, I’m pretty sure they worship your breasts, isn’t that what they were talking about?
I kid, I kid.
Feeling more in control this fine morning?
Q., # 4 is priceless.
A., okay, I want the size judgment chart, please:
A34=
B36=
C38=
D40=
EM – Inspite the juveniles who like to frequent your page
, you are right on the money.
Who are you calling juvenile? I act *at least* 18, which is legally an adult here in Kentucky.
And, EM, I hate to descend to Ash’s level (who am I kidding, I love it), but breast judging has more to it than just size.
Bust size, cup size, proportion relative to frame, and that elusive quality that some name “perkiness” are all factors that are quickly computed by the male mind.
Did I mention, EM, that your ass is cute when it jiggles?
o,o my, sc. you are soooo headed for Spanktown.
Q, #5 is truly priceless.
EM, so “Vacuuming the house will get you laid faster than flowers” is considered elevating the discussion?
11. Avoid saying “Boy, those are world-class stretch marks.”
12. Never say “I don’t know why I could never get next to the pretty girls.”
13. “Being fat isn’t all that bad” is prohibited speech.
14. Buying her a new set of pans for Christmas will be of no benefit.
15. Buying her a massage and pedicure for Christmas will be of great benefit.
O, SC, you are in so much trouble…
And Q, I meant that #5 was priceless. No blonde jokes about my inability to read numbers allowed.
Thank you, Rio. That’s part of my service. I allow the guys to let their true selves out. Come on, babe, you know how it is.
O Ash, you can come cook over an open fire at my house any day. In fact, I have a gas stove, so I ALWAYS cook over an open fire. And guess what, that’s REAL cooking too.
And, yes, I’m elevated.
EM, here’s the handy pocket guide:
A – Athletic or anorexic; insecure about her looks; this girl has issues, but probably wild in the sack.
B – Well-rounded; still a little insecure, but knows how to compensate with another attribute; is technically proficient in bed, but may lack passion.
C – Confident in her looks; probably gets away with some crap because of her breast size; a natural in bed – likes to go with the flow.
D – Overly confident in her looks, to the detriment of other parts of her personality; gets away with anything, so you’ve got to watch her like a hawk; when it comes to sex, she’s either intergallactic fantastic or a dead lay – it’s 50/50.
Does this help?
EM:
I have vacuumed through two long marriages and nobody gave me so much as a lousy t-shirt. You’re telling us that this isn’t normal?
Dammit.
I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the size of anyone’s television, nor the availability of football (or any other sport) on said TV. The only good TV is a TV with a hammer smashed through the screen.
That said, I begrudgingly must admit that Ash is right. Most men are ready for sex anytime, at any place, and for almost any reason that includeth not shopping.
Especially if the TV is busted.
Furthermore, we know that this makes us scum. We do not trust ourselves, and frankly are amazed when you continue to trust us despite the available evidence, which is exquisitely damning.
This naivete is sexy.
For the record, all details about any championship game anywhere ceased to matter on the evening of October 26, 1985, when first-base umpire Don Deckinger (His Name Be Cursed) badly blew an easy call in the decisive 9th inning of World Series Game 6 between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals. The blown call gave the Royals their go-ahead runner, who eventually scored and gave the Royals the game, and in game 7 the following day, the series.
All sport since that day has been pointless sweating and grunting.
Also for the record, the only things required for good cooking are intensely fresh ingredients and the total absence of margarine, “The Evil Spread.” Margarine is good for only one thing, and it isn’t cooking.
-A
About oldhorsetailsnake’s #14 (“Buying her a new set of pans for Christmas will be of no benefit”), I must beg to differ. Some of us think that high-quality kitchen gear is the best gift of all. Just ask my husband about the reaction he got the year he bought me the KitchenAid mixer for Christmas…
I’m sticking around to see what else the men have to say. I think my husband would be applauding Quincy right now, if he read anyone’s posts but mine.
. . . I’m still lost in blissful reverie over the thought of a back rub that’s just a back rub. . . .
re: bliss’ reaction to the kitchenaid mixer… yeah, she reacted, all right.
ha ha. Nice list, I will be sure to have it tattooed on my stomach.
A,
Have you been watching Tango in Paris? O, that was butter.
When are you going to start a blog? Not that I mind having you, Quincey, and Ash blogging in my comments section. It definitely keeps things fresh.
Ahem.
EM:
Never have seen Tango In Paris.
Are you telling me that the butter thing is not my own clever creation?
No cash for web hosting at the moment, but AnonyBlog — or should that be AgressorBlog? — will be on the air as soon as I sell enough plasma.
-A
Riiiiight about now, I’m so grateful I’m engaged to a Frenchman that I could do a little jig. That’s all I’m sayin’.
…no offense but the French can kiss my ass…
Women spend a lot of time thinking about & filter out what should be said and unsaid, etc based on mostly assumptions about their mate. What does this mean? There are alot of things ALL WOMEN DO NOT EXPRESS. Not to say that women are all the same [or that the issues that they choose not to communicate are the same] but there is a very real area/set of topics for a woman that are not discussed on a level that we understand. This is called Effective communication. Remember — crafting your message to reach your audience. While it is true that these topics may indeed often not really interest men, if you tried to communicate them on a level that we understand, we would at least respect them more and offer responses that weren’t so offensive. Additionally, if there is any effort at all, little of it is trial and error [at least in comparison with men] specific to her mate. It is so often generalized from experiences relating to guys that were many moons and too many glasses of wines ago for you to see that they were idiots in the first place and were lucky to know how to tie the shoes, and really not a fair comparison to you current beaux. What does this mean? You think you putting up with so much, but in reality, there is such small amounts of difference between what the sexes put up with. More often than not, when a woman is putting up with more annoyances [comparatively speaking] than her mate, it is because she is not trying to effectively communicate. Notice I said EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATE. It never ceases to amaze me that women will strive to meet the demands of the workplace or the classroom — communicating on whatever standard is established — but will not stretch at all when it comes to communicating on our level with their mate. What kind of sense does that make when they expect the same from us?
I’m laughing over the fact that people are arguing over a little list. You should know that sometimes lists don’t mean they are specifically that way…sometimes its just meant to have a little humor in your life. YEAH most of them made have a few things on them that are very true……but still….IDK I just thin it’s funny.