Some of you may have heard the weekend scoop from sleepy Waynesville, NC, just 30 or so miles down the road from the big A. If you haven’t, and particularly if you’re a guy, take a big, deep breath now.
Three men were arrested for practicing surgery without a medical license. Scary? Yes. Scarier? They were performing castrations in their S & M dungeon on willing men who discovered them through a website and traveled here for the “operation.”
The sensational story has hit the national media, so if you want more Google “Waynesville” and “castration.” Or for all the gory details, including the police report, go to The Asheville Citizen-Times website (the list of evidence recovered includes some testes being stored in the fridge. Rocky Mountain Oysters, anyone?). Mr. Ash Vegas has some punny insights on the situation as well.
I can’t even get into the warped psychology of these people. I couldn’t have made this up. And I have a pretty twisted imagination. Though you can bet someone (maybe me?) will incorporate this sickness into fiction.
The one detail that I’m stuck on, which Ash helpfully provided a link for me, is that one of the men had his balls replaced with neuticles. I’d never heard of them, but neuticles are silicon-shaped nut replacements for pets. That’s right. Fido may be losing his primary testosterone delivery system, but that doesn’t mean the other dogs are going to question his maleness.
Some of the pet owner comments from the neuticle website include:
“He’s a guy and I wanted him to remain looking like one.”
Lane Hinderman
Metairie, Louisiana
“Neuticles were the absolute least I could do.”
Glenda Nelson
Spring, TX
“Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he’s been neutered with Neuticles.”
Janell Suasser
San Lorenzo, CA
The word on the guy who had the neuticle implant is that they were too big. Bummer. According to the website, neuticles come in a variety of appropriate sizes, including feline. Which made me wonder if that’s Rocky’s problem. Maybe he’s overweight because he’s depressed because he’s nut-free? Poor, poor kitty.
People at the university counseling center keep saying that mental health issues are really one the rise – guess this is more proof.
Waynesville?!?!?
Just thinking about this story makes me wince.
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!
Rocky looks pretty well-satisfied… He must not be too worried about things.
….great! Now I need a new doctor….
I don’t know, Ash, you don’t think Rocky looks depressed?
O, Quincey, don’t even go there!
Rio, go check out Bulldog’s story on Waynesville weirdness on Ash’s blog!
I’m commenting, because otherwise I’ll forget.
How’s the 22nd look?
Also, I love Rocky. Nuts or no.
if you thought that it didn’t get any creepier, check out the pic that the ac-t found… “master rick” truly in his element, wearing something very leather and very ass-free…
Dude! Where’d you find that picture of me!?
I think those guys misunderstood the purpose of “National Spay and Neuter Your Pet Month”!
Oh, man, wow. What on earth would make a man want to neuter himself willingly? I mean, Abelard of Heloise and Abelard fame had to be pinned down and castrated. That’s called “normal, as I would like to keep my nuts.” What kind of man wakes up and goes, damnit, my life would be so much more fulfilling if I had no testicles? Brrrr.
Autumn,
22nd looks good, but let me check with E.
Sick.to.my.stomach. Ugh. That queasy feeling you get when kicked there… I wonder if it goes away when these precious gems are removed.
Anywho, I read about this in a magazine. 50,000 castrations are performed a year on men for various reasons ranging from medical to mental. I can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without them.
What saddens me most lately is the state of men in general. There seems to be a shift: first we became more Metro, then more homo, and now some of us are becoming androgynous = as if our sexuality is more than we can handle.
All I got to say is I am keeping mine. I’ve lost most of my hair, my voice isn’t deep, my body isn’t all that hairy, but the blessings I got, I plan to enjoy.
Waddaya think? Lance Armstrong?
Neuticle?
I’m going with yes.
Chelsea,
Great minds! I thought about Lance as well. I’m going with yes too!
here’s the thing, EM: the charge was castration WITHOUT malice. Those guys who submitted to the surgery had no hard feelings.
I’m now determined to become more of a man to help keep the cosmic balance in check. I’ll be at the gym if you need me.