Edgy Mama

In this week’s column I tell the truth about babies. They’re cute vampires!

I recently had a conversation with a friend about how much life babies suck out of their mamas. Yes, they suck vast quantities of milk, but also, they suck away our time, energy, sleep and general equilibrium. Babies are cute vampires.

The reason babies are so freaking adorable is because otherwise, parents would be like, “What the hell? Why would I devote so much to something that’s actually a vampire?” That’s why babies smile and gurgle and have itsy pink toes that are practically edible. Because otherwise we’d be swathing ourselves in garlic.

I also wrote this “Good, bad & ugly” recap of WNC in 2009 for WNC Magazine (yes, I know it’s only Nov. 2, but the mag covers Nov. & Dec–so nothing significant is allowed to happen in Western N.C. in Nov. & Dec. Kay?). This is my first piece for WNC Magazine, and they cut some of my snarkier comments (space considerations, I’m sure). But I was thrilled that I was asked to write this because snarky plus local news plus decent sentence structure equals me. At least when I’ve had enough coffee.

Also, Friday night was our annual blogger party, which this year included social media types, and I won “Blogger you’d most like to see naked.” Everyone wanted me to strip, but I wasn’t wearing the right underwear. Plus, this award clearly is about fantasy more than reality. The past two years I’ve won the “Best Writing” award, but I’d much rather win the nekkid blogger award because…I’m 45 and you nerds still wanna see me starkers! My mom’s so proud.

Here’s a photo of me from the party dressed as a pirate hooker and Julie of Bruisin’ Ales as a Sexual Chocolate beer. Forget rum; I should’ve been drinking her. Especially because she won more awards than I did.