Edgy Mama

But that’s OK.

Some days I no longer seem to speak the same language as my kids.

For example, last week, they asked if I would take them to GameStop so they could get a free Jirachi.

“What’s a Jirachi?” I asked.

Read the rest here.

My alternate title for this column was: Forget flowers, give me a boob job.

I hear that one of the most popular plastic surgery trends is called a “mommy makeover”— and usually is gifted to mommy by daddy after all the breeding is done.

Read the rest here.

I forgot to link to this when it went on-line, but it’s already causing quite a stir.

Come join in the debate!

Forget bedroom politics; forget cleaning duty—one of the great debates of modern communal living is the correct positioning of the toilet seat (and by communal living, I simply mean people who share a bathroom).

Read the rest here.

From a toast I recently wrote and read for friends’ engagement party: finding joy in weird rashes, laundry and annoying the hell out of each other.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here’s the latest area Brews News (beer with heart) I wrote for Mountain Xpress. Let’s get some dialogue going about craft beer. What’s your Valentine’s Day beer going to be? I’m thinking Foothills Brewing’s Sexual Chocolate. And I’m wishing Pisgah Brewing’s Red Devil was on.

While this is focused on deals in the Asheville area, it works for anywhere there are “kids eat free” offers at restaurants. So, if you’re not around here, you can still play. Feed your kids, support local businesses, and send the money you save to Haiti.

Thank you.

Here are some of the techniques I tried to get my kid to vacate the uterine hotel. Have any of you been down this road?

In other news, I have snow fatigue. And I’m tired of my kids. Even though they’re adorable. Any good deals on a hotel room in Asheville for the night? Preferably one with free spa services?

UPDATE: Asheville Brews News in print now, with video of me interviewing Beer Fest organizer while tipsy.

OK, I wrote this when it was 4 fricking degrees outside. Now that it’s 45 and balmy, it seems kind of crazy. But it’s still funny in places.

I’m glad to no longer be living in Arctic Asheville.

In other news, we had a great house concert here on Friday night with sexy singer/songwriter Sarah Blacker. Check out her Web site here.

I’ve been trying to upload a photo, but WordPress is being bitchy. Check photos of lovely Sarah playing guitar in my living room on my Facebook page.

Happy MLK, Jr. day. Remember the greatness.

OK, I looked into my crystal ball for y’all. Here’s some of what I see:

Family dinner conversations will be held via group texting on individual messaging devices that will be attached to your right hand at all times. We’ll all have to learn to eat with our left hands (the first time in history that a device has benefitted lefties).  Kids will learn that when mom or dad talks to them directly, using tongues and vocal chords, that they are in big, big trouble.

Read the rest of my predictions here.

Here’s my annual list of memorable moms. It’s always fun to think about. There are several others that I considered, but I didn’t have space for all (max. 700 words for the print version of my column). So who’d I leave out?